Tiger's Stripes: Joy and Grief

Tiger 虎 Japanese, Edo period, 1830 (Bunsei 13/Tenpô 1),
1st month Artist Utagawa Kunisada I (Toyokuni III),
Japanese, 1786–1864, Woodblock print (surimono);
ink and color on paper

“We have to embrace obstacles to reach the next stage of joy.”  Goldie Hawn

“Joy is the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.” Helen Keller

“And I'm taming the tiger/(You can't tame the tiger)/Tiger,tiger burning bright/Nice, kitty kitty/Tiger, tiger burning bright” SongwriterJoni Mitchel (1998)

It happened again.  I received another: “Thank you for your submission.  We really enjoyed reading it, but we aren’t going to publish it (written in a nicer tone).  Please send us more.”  It is the eight time for this short story about grief, neighborhood rumors and mis-perceptions.  I sat staring at the e-mail for at least several minutes with my “magic eight ball.”  My heart is all weepy and the self-critic in her high voice saying:  “I told you this was going to happen.”  

I immediately silence her with:  “Is it worth trying to find a literary magazine or just self-publish?”   It is a question I've been mulling over lately before sharing my creations.  She doesn’t have an answer. 

Himalayan tiger panel sold by Loft House, Austin ,TX

Dance with the Tiger

Songwriters: John Stewart and Rosanne Cash

In every woman and man lies the seed of the fear
Of just how alone are all who live here
Denying the fear is the name of the game
To stare at the fear is going insane
Forgiving the fear is one up on Cane
Is to dance with the tiger
And laugh at the rain

Don't give me your life, I have one of my own
It was a brilliant idea inventing the home
Creatures of habit, American fools
Reaching for stars while we're standing on stools
Letting it go is jumping the train
Is to dance with the tiger
Letting it go though we won't be the same
Is to dance with the tiger
Letting it go is the name of the game
Is to dance with the tiger
And laugh at the rain

If you ask a preschooler the difference between a tiger and a lion, the answer is always a tiger has orange and black stripes.   The markings on their forehead are thought to resemble the Chinese character “King.”  This idea may have influenced author Jorge Lois Borge.  Borge wrote two stories about how the tiger stripes were coded messages from the divine—runic divination waiting to be read.  Zoologists would debunk these mystical ideas, firmly stating that the patterns were for camouflage.  The tiger's stripes mimic the shaded patterns of the sun coming through the trees and grasses.  Either way they are a mystical animal that walks in harmony with their environment.  The tiger is a perfect companion to Xi Wangmu.

I interpret their markings as a balance between joy and desires (orange) and grief (black).  For me, it often hard to maintain this balance.  I find myself always tilting towards the grief.  I admit, I have been trained to see the worst case scenario and this way of seeing is cheered on my inner critic.  She, most likely out of fear or wanting to protect me from future disappointments, projects the worse worse worse thing that could happen.  It is out of these moments I betray myself and don’t create.  I don’t sit and the computer, don’t knit a row, don’t color, don’t make yummy cookies, don’t…   I don’t make.

This isn’t living in balance.  It is a life walking in grief and shadow.  Orange has changed into its shadow.  It is an orange that relies on what people say and not on self-reliance.  It is taunted on by shadow black telling you, “You are unworthy.”    

Black has another meaning.  It is a mourning color recognizing death.  It is a color to be used for grounding, banishing or breaking curses.  Perhaps, the tiger’s stripes is a balance creativity and freedom (orange) by dismissing the inner critic. 

I will send off my short story again to another publication. 

Tiger Embroidery 

Artual (Art + Ritual) a phase coined by Whitney Freya 

Looking to the left, you will see that I have finished my tiger embroidery.  It was done riding in the car cross country (i.e., 3 days - USA).  

I have decided to make this creation into a pillow.  My son asked if he could have it.  It will be making it's trip back west hopefully by the end of the month.