Losing Course

Big Dipper Pole Star / Ursa Major by Kasia
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“The great safeguard of society and of domestic life was, that opinions were not acted on. Sane people did what their neighbors did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them.” ― George Eliot, Middlemarch

“Don't stay in the harbour and miss the greatness of the sea. Just because everyone else is anchored, doesn't mean you have to be.” ― Joyce Rachelle

“Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and a lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul. She becomes all outer show and inward emptiness; dull, callous, and indifferent.” ― Virginia Woolf

               

My mom gave me her eye look.  It was a sly sideways glance as she unloaded the grocery items onto the conveyor belt.  Her eyes were slit and her lips: an unmovable red line. 

I put the paper back into its metal slot next to the candy and gum.  The tabloid showed a space alien with large enticing eyes.  I was compelled to buy it.  The alien stood shaking hands with President Jimmy Carter in the Oval Office, both had a friendly smiling and looked directly at the photographer.  There was another photo showed a space disk flying away in the evening sky with the Washington Monument in the background.  The paper was like the previous weeks warning:  space beings were meeting with federal officials and the public was being denied access to these talks.         

“They steal your money with that trash.”

I tried to explain how my classmates were talking about the aliens and I wanted to read the article like they did.  I didn’t want to be weird and not know. 

“Pure rubbish.”  Mom said in a harsh whisper that only I could hear.  

Mom was a nurse who worshiped the scientific method and grew up during the duck and cover Cold War/McCarthy era.  “Question everything before believing,” was one of her ideology.  She stated that this newspaper offered no proof that there were aliens.  The photos?  Mom pointed to the handshake.  Jimmy Carter’s hand didn’t match up right and the picture looked vaguely familiar to her—most likely stolen from the Associated Press.  “Tell your friends they need to use their minds and not be sucked in to believing.”  She probably ended this conversation with her usual “if your friends jumped off the bridge would you…” statement.

  

This week I was reminded this grocery store interaction.  What is truth and what could derail me from my North Star Intentions I hold for the year.

A friend sent me two Ted Talks: 1) Gary Kovacs talk about behavior tracking.  2) Eli Pariser talk about algorithms that explains how my conservative family members have been eliminated from my Facebook feed.  

My friend’s message continued discussing their alarm at how the internet is creating a personalized bubble for me.   It – the internet or those who make big bucks off this type of spying  – has been filtering what it thinks I/we need to see like craft coupons from Michaels or spiritual retreats with white only sisters or cheap hockey tickets.   She wanted to know if I was concerned. 
Yes, it made me upset to learn that this algorithm function was eliminating what other interests I have (spiritual retreats with sisters who are from all traditions and races or cheap baseball tickets or new running shoe coupons) or what I may find uncomfortable (how to talk about racism with a covert racist). 

My friend followed with the National Public Radio’s article on Russians were infiltrating into normal everyday types of conversations.  She proposed: could they (an unnamed source) create chaos by infiltrating the issues she felt dear too (i.e., environmental, women’s rights, child abuse, sexual assault). 

I assured her that we could see through it; we were smart with graduate degrees.  However, it did cause me to wonder about how the internet was filtering my view of topics?   Or, influencing my ideas or tailoring a small circle of friends who agree on everything.  Or, how the internet algorithms and bots taken me off course?  Meaning fogging my sight of my North Star?  I wonder how I could stay vigilant. 

Yesterday, I was looking at my feed on Facebook and up popped a headline “Look who voted no on the Violence Against Women’s Act Tuesday.”  My first gut reaction was anger, next more anger because I hadn’t been notified that this vote was happening.  After all this emotion, I realized that some of the faces were no longer in the senate.  I almost was pulled onto a bandwagon from these outside influencers.   Derailed from my North Star place.

~~~

The Stars Align by Sherry Harridence, Acrylic. 
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Under on Small Star

By Wislawa Szymborska (1923-2012)

My apologies to chance for calling it necessity.
My apologies to necessity if I'm mistaken, after all.
Please, don't be angry, happiness, that I take you as my due.
May my dead be patient with the way my memories fade.
My apologies to time for all the world I overlook each second.
My apologies to past loves for thinking that the latest is the first.
Forgive me, distant wars, for bringing flowers home.
Forgive me, open wounds, for pricking my finger.
I apologize for my record of minuets to those who cry from the depths.
I apologize to those who wait in railway stations for being asleep today at five a.m.
Pardon me, hounded hope, for laughing from time to time.
Pardon me, deserts, that I don't rush to you bearing a spoonful of water.
And you, falcon, unchanging year after year, always in the same cage,
your gaze always fixed on the same point in space,
forgive me, even if it turns out you were stuffed.
My apologies to the felled tree for the table's four legs.
My apologies to great questions for small answers.
Truth, please don't pay me much attention.
Dignity, please be magnanimous.
Bear with me, O mystery of existence, as I pluck the occasional thread from your train.
Soul, don't take offense that I've only got you now and then.
My apologies to everything that I can't be everywhere at once.
My apologies to everyone that I can't be each woman and each man.
I know I won't be justified as long as I live,
since I myself stand in my own way.
Don't bear me ill will, speech, that I borrow weighty words,
then labor heavily so that they may seem light.

~~

Artual (Art + Ritual) 

Last week, I talked about my new year's focus: that which makes me feel alive and nurtures my heart.  I wrote affirmations around the following phrases:

I am
I create
I allow
I see
I cultivate
I manifest
I believe in the possibility that

What I noticed about my affirmations were key words that really struck home.  Such as magical moment, laughter, joy, higher view, love, connection, divine presence…  these words struck directly to my Polaris Star -  the point within my heart.  That place where my true self lives; a place that isn’t influenced by the dipper stars scooping and pouring through the seasons.  That place that doesn’t have a care about Facebook feeds or space aliens.  I quickly decided that the words had more power than the affirmations.  

I decided to create something to remind me of this heart place when I am at my desk.  What I came up with was a jar filled with origami stars.  Within each star is written key word or phrases.  I am hoping that this will remind me to not be swayed.  I've included a how to picture for making the stars.