Spinning back into my heart’s song - Lent 2015

2015 BEMS First Week of Lent

“It is only with the heart that you can see fully: what is essential is invisible to the eyes.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” ~ Helen Keller

“Whosesoever you go, go with all your heart.” ~ Confucius


Sometimes I find it hard to remember the language of my heart.  My ears get filled with wax and I can’t hear my unique lyrics that I’m supposed to be singing into the universal song.  When this happens, I find myself being swept away by social injustices, and instead of trying to find peaceful resolution or trying to be empathetic towards the other side’s point of view; I’m angry.  The lyrics I sing clash with the ones I’m supposed to be singing about love.

It is Lenten season again.   I gave ‘giving up’ a long time ago.  I found this practice not useful in redirecting my heart down the right path.  For me, Easter and Spring are about re-birth, composting the old into something new.  Giving up chocolate, turning off the TV or becoming a vegetarian doesn’t seem to affect how I react to life’s crises or challenges.  This type of practice doesn’t unplug the wax in my ears and it sure doesn’t help me hear Motherfather Spirit any better.

This Lenten season (2015) I have chosen to get back to knowing those words on my heart.  The ones Motherfather Spirit wrote before I was born.  I want to remember those words that are to inspire me in become a better person through my actions.  Those words that make me empathetic towards others and those words that sing what is really important.   I want to get my heart back on track.  This is the re-birth I am looking for. 

I’ve been inspired this year three groups 1) Wild Woman Project – Wild Heart Wishes Meditation (February 2015) 2) Abby of the Arts - Holy Disorder of Dancing Monks, and 3) Findhorn Inspiration website.

Serenity (O Magnum Mysterium) - Ola Gjeilo - this music makes me very contemplative.  

Spinning back into my heart’s song: A daily ritual during Lent:


Materials Needed:

• Paper with a spiral design or you can make your own. 
• 40 plus Premade circles.  I made mine tracing quarters onto paper.  You can make yours bigger or smaller. 
• Magic markers, pencils, ink pens
• Glue or paste
• Scissors
• Small votive candle
• Angel cards or Findhorn Daily Inspiration that includes an Angle Card or opening spiritual writing and identifying on word describing its message.
• Journal

2015 BEMS - Openness

Directions

• Light the candle and open your heart.
• Pull an angle card and read it.  Say the word out loud.  Write down in your journal what you think this word means spiritually or why it should be written on your heart.
• Next, read the word again.  Say the word out loud.   Ask for guidance from Motherfather Spirit.  Meditate on the word.  Example: Open   These are the types of questions I ask myself: 1) What does being open mean to me as a spiritual being?  How do I show others that I’m open?   How do I react to hearing something new – open or closed?  (NOTE:  The CCWWW way is different for each of us.  You have equally interesting questions to ask yourself.)  Allow some time to journal on this word. 
• Contemplate what the word means to you in a symbol.  Doodle or draw in your journal.
• Now, reflecting back on your journal, draw or write something that will remind you of this word in one of the pre-made circles.  Color it in.  (NOTE:  A CCWWW doesn’t judge their art against famous artists. This is a spiritual art and speaks from your heart.)
• Cut out the circle and paste it on the spiral path.
• Thank Motherfather Spirit for giving you this message about your heart.  Extinguish the candle. 
• I tend to do this ritual in the morning and carry the small circle around.  The circle reminds me of the word that is etched on my heart.  In the evening I glue it onto the spiral. 

2014 Year of Expecting a Miracle: creating a personal compass BOOKLET

"A Lady Writing a Letter"
by Johannes Vermeer (1665)

"Never put your faith in a Prince. When you require a miracle, trust in a Witch.” ~ Catherynne M. Valente, In the Night Garden


"Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.” ~ Lemony Snicket, The Lump of Coal


"And now we step to the rhythm of miracles.” --from The Light, That Never Dies” ― Aberjhani, Elemental: The Power of Illuminated Love


So I’m back at writing this blog as a creative and spiritual outlet to graduate school and life in general. As you may know, I’m part of the Wild Woman Project and our New Year’s kick off project was to create a little book. This booklet is to be packed with: a prayer(s), wishes, affirmations and feelings – our intentions for the coming year. Additionally, the booklet would be our focus for the New Year or act as a compass to guide us.


The first step in creating this book – was to think of a theme we wanted for the year. I’m not one for dreaming up themes so I pulled from the Goddess Oracle Deck (Virtue) and “Mother Mary’s Expect a Miracle” came up for me. Without any hesitation, I wrote down as the title and theme of my year “2014: The Year of Expecting Miracles.”


Why not miracles? The world needs more of them and the world needs more of us to observe them. And, the world needs more of us to assist in making them happen.

~#~

Our booklet is to be used like you would affirmation statements. You read it front to back daily to keep you on track. (I’ve clipped it to my datebook and it is the first thing I see in the morning.)

The French pharmacist Émile Coué, in the late 1880's is considered the first person who wrote about the use of affirmations. In his practice, Dr. Coué had his patients daily recite the phrase "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better." He believed that this autosuggestion would assist people in healing themselves.

I learned about affirmations from my teacher Nettie Morse. She was a student from the Louise Hay’s camp. The affirmations created are to help you change negative beliefs and scripts you have about yourself. They help you see yourself in a more positive light.   

~#~

The second page of the Wild Woman booklet was to answer the question “What would I like to build this year?” During my New Moon meeting with my Wild Woman Friends, again I was being opened to MotherFather Spirit’s suggestions. A thought that popped into my head was about the lack of balance I’ve been feeling lately around being a good mom, being an advocate for sexual and intimate partner violence survivors and being graduate student and the lack of building in relaxation time. 

I admit my house has transformed into clutter heaven. My yoga and walking have been kicked to the curb, because I haven’t quite found the balance yet with these new graduate school requirements. And, I’ve been going through the motions of being a CCWWW and being silent on this blog. 

Once again, MotherFather Spirit is right on the money for what is essential for my sanity, spirituality and physical health for my heart. 

So on page two, I wrote “Building in relaxation time.”

~#~ 

Three incidences have occurred since creating and reading my book daily. 1) I was asked to join someone at Yoga class, 2) I found out that Yesherabbit Coven’s theme is centered on miracles, and 3) Eileen Cady’s daily inspiration.

Maybe these coincidences have been occurring all along, but I believe I’ve been so caught up in stuff and not recognizing them. I look at them as mini miracles or the miracle of messages that I’ve not been paying attention to.

With that in mind: I’ve recorded these occurrences on page 5 of my book.  

~#~

Eileen Caddy’s daily inspiration (1/15) – I chuckled – it was so right on. 

“Why not relax? Let go and let Me take over, for the more stress and strain there is in your life, the less you get done. Why not let yourself flow with nature, flow with the tide, and do what has to be done quite simply, naturally and joyously? Why not enjoy life, instead of going through it with grim determination, forcing yourself to do this, that and the other without any joy or love? Life is wonderful when you are in harmony with it and cease resisting anything. Why make everything complicated for yourself? Why not make today a special day, and see the very best in everything? Give thanks for everything. Enjoy everything as it should be enjoyed. I want you to enjoy life. Start off by seeing the beauty of nature all around you, and you will find that one wonderful thing will lead to the next, until your whole life is one of wonderment and joy.” 

Relax? I’ve just finished my second packet for graduate school and relax has been the word of choice. Thus I’m chuckling again at the above quote. 

Why? I have found that writing the two critical essays is a forced task for me. Each word generated is labor intensive like finding the right word for a crossword puzzle. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading the assigned novels and looking at writing concepts and themes, but transcribing these ideas down onto paper has been stressful and not a joyful or flowing experience – like say writing in my blog or writing a poem.

I wonder can one do an interpretive dance to help create a critical essay. I believe that would be relaxing. I took up an invitation from a friend to join her in yoga – that was relaxing. 

I wonder if the miracle this year is to learn how to be more relaxed writing these essays. 

~#~  

Create your own booklet for the year with the Wild Woman Project:

Take a piece of 8.5 inches by 11 inches paper and cut it in half. Stack the two piece of paper together and fold in half. These are the pages for your book. 

Cover Page – theme by picking from the Goddess deck  

Page 1 – create a prayer to read daily that will help you focus on your theme and help you during the down times. 

Page 2 – “This year I will build____” 

Page 3 – “This year I feel ____” 

Page 4 – “This year I’m open to ____” 

Page 5 – Write down the dates you notice your theme happening. 

Sit with your ideas until January 30, 2014. Feel free to decorate the book and make it your own. I went through cards sent to me this past year and have added decorations. The booklet will be dedicated on the 30th the new moon.

Hiatus - Contemplative Practice that Leads to the Edge

"Suddenly Star Wars came out while we were on hiatus,and we looked like the old Buck Rogers series,
where they had cigarette smoke blowing out the back of the rocket ship." ~ Gregory Harrison


I've been on hiatus these past two weeks.  I am sitting on my bum writing my Personal Statement Essay for graduate school.  I'm focusing on my story which always send me into a panic.  I've done some research finding out how others have approached it.  It is a piece or conversation that lets people know who I am after they look at my portfolio.

The Personal Statement Essay is about my journey that is leading to the next threshold.  

My Wild Woman Project group talked about using the energy that is at the edge.   I think of The Fool who is about to take the leap.  This leap is fearful and perhaps dangerous, but looking at this face, The Fool is smiling without a care.  He appears to have the same blind faith like those X-Gamers.  I'm trying to harness that "stomach ache" and "run the other way" feeling and use it to help write my essay.  

One of the questions I've been pondering is why do I want to go to graduate school.  I think it comes down to Nettie's questions to me: 1) What is my life's purpose?  Answer: To help people and make the world a better place.  2) Have you ever thought about doing it another way?  Answer: No.  Why not?

This week I've been sitting like the rest of America post Boston Marathon.  I look at the faces of these two young men and ask: Why?  Why choose violence to get your point across?  And, what is the point that you think that violence is the only way?  Did you ever think about doing it another way?

They could have run and worn T-Shirts showing their cause.  They could have been like Peace Pilgrim at the end of the Rose Parade with her sign; the beginning of her peace walk across the US.  They could have written letters to the editor, written letters to their political representatives...  The could have joint human rights watch; volunteered at the UN.  But, violence?

I ask myself what was my part in their decision?  Where did I fail in listening and having a welcoming heart that someone had to resort to violence to get my attention? 

As a CCWWW, I believe we all are connected like blood.  We are all dependent on each other plants and animal and us humans.  And, even though I didn't know those young men, I come in contact with many people daily.  I ask myself: How do I treat them?  How do I treat those who look homeless on the street?  How do I treat those with an accent that makes me listen harder?  How do I treat..

Friendship – starting with yourself

Girl Looking in The Mirror by Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1912)

Maker's Moon - What wants to be conceived/born/shaped/made from our own minds/hearts/loins/hands? - CAYA Moon Question

“We are not humans having spiritual experiences, we are spiritual beings having human experiences.” ~ Teilhard de Chardin

 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ~ C.S. Lewis

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” ~ William Shakespeare

 

 

To be a friend is hard work.  To be friends with yourself is even harder work.  I believe I heard this from my creative journaling teacher Nettie.  If not, it would be something she would say. 

 

This week I’ve started this blog entry over twice, because the theme “friendship with yourself” kept coming up.  You might say I got zapped by it from 6 different places this week:  Hildegard mandalaclass, 21 Day Meditation Challenge, Wild Woman Project, Findhorn Inspirational message, my New Moon Goddess Card of the month, and a fragment from a Hallmark Channel Movie due to channel surfing between basketball games.  Since I’m a firm believer in the law of synchronicity; I scraped the gardening piece for this topic. 

 

When I talk about being a friend to yourself, I’m not talking about being a narcissist.  That type of self-love in which one believes that they’re better than others and have a desire to tear others down in order to feel successful.  No, the one I’m talking about is giving yourself the same compassion that you give to others you are deeply in love with.  This was the message I kept getting zapped with.

 

~#~
 

Audacity: 1.bold courage; daring   2.shameless or brazen boldness; insolence ~ Webster New College Dictionary.

~#~

It has been my experience that the foundation of magic is belief.  You must believe in order to create or make something.  And, you must continue to believe all the way to the end.  More often than not, we find that our creative and magical endeavors become prey to sabotage by our own inner voices.  These voices have a way of squashing our passion and what ends up happening is the majority of our spells, creations and ideas our sitting in the basement in a box unfinished.

In talking to friends this week about the inner voices, we all came to the same conclusion.  We’d never say the things our inner voices say to someone that we love.  And, we’d probably wouldn’t say this to someone we don’t like.   My voices revolve around not being able to complete projects, perfectionism and fear that I’ll be rejected, self-judgment, education lacking by not having taken the right course work or involved with the right project.  These all seem to twist and haggle inside my head to the point I often stop.  Bottom line, I’d never say these things to a friend; I’d do the opposite.  I’d cheer them on.

March’s New Moon Wild Woman Project theme focused on having the audacity or courage to love ourselves.  We used one of Louise Hay’s mirror exercises.   The exercise asks us to call to mind a person that we deeply love.  We were to imagine looking in their eyes with compassion.  The last part of the exercise was to look into the mirror and with the same look of compassion see ourselves.  When I did this, my heart was crushed because I have never done this.  I have never looked into my eyes with that same look of charity. 

Kristin Neff, Ph.D. writes in her book about how self-esteem and self-compassion are intertwined.  Her research showed that a person with high self-esteem didn’t berate themselves when they were failing.  They did the opposite, they were kind to themselves.  These people in her research were able to embrace themselves with all their flaws and outperformed the opposite group.  Neff describes the science behind this.  When we berate ourselves with our inner critics, the flight and fight hormones are released.  Despite what our culture says, these hormones don’t drive us to the finish line they make us angry and cripple us from moving forward.  When we treat ourselves with kindness and sympathy, endorphins are released and we feel motivated to try again.  The endorphins make us feel good. 

Neff also found that the more we were able to keep our hearts opened for ourselves, the more we have available to give others and pursue our creativity.  She states that when the critics pop up 1) we should face them and tell them to soften.  Then provide kind, empathetic words to ourselves.  2) To look at the full picture and ask: how am I the same as others?  (e.g., Yes, I haven’t gotten this spell down pat but others have been here like me.)  3) Practice mindfulness and being in the present. 

~#~

 

Ho’oponopono

Hawaiian Prayer

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you, I love you.

This prayer was shared by one of my mandala classmates when I began describing how I was critical of my mandalas.  I was wishing to soften my judgment.  This is the prayer she tells herself when her inner critics begin to talk.