Sunday, March 20, 2022

Practicing your way back into creativity

Cassett, Mary (1878-79). 
Woman Reading.
Joslyn Art Museum. Omaha, Nebraska
Creativity is the brain's invisible muscle -- that when used and excercised routinely -- becomes better and stronger.”
~ Ashley Ormon

“Practice is the hardest part of learning, and training is the essence of transformation.” ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

“Do it again.
Play it again. Sing it again. Read it again. Write it again. Sketch it again. Rehearse it again. Run it again. Try it again.
Because again is practice, and practice is improvement, and improvement only leads to perfection.”
~ Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, and Grumblings for Every Day of the Year

This last two years have been hard.  Hard in a way, I have not been unable to write and paint in a way that my heart, soul and hand are in concert together.  The world has made me exhausted:  COVID, political unrest, public exposure of racism, isolation, and now another war.  I am turning back to my blog hoping it has the electricity to to jump start my creativity.

Maybe it is spring and the time of awakening. Maybe it is the eve of Ares, the beginning of the zodiac.  The time of not sitting back but getting off your bum.  If this past blah I've been infected with were a shell, I want to break out of it.  I want to sing along with the spring peepers and not let anyone slow me down.  I want to touch the new buds on the American Beech trees that will shed off last year's leaves.  

I want to take a step forward, fresh with new energy that is coming my heart.    


This Is Just To Say
William Carlos Williams - 1883-1963

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold


The big question is: what habits can I re-establish and put into place to light the spark?  What can I do differently this coming year?

I have been thinking a lot about these two questions.  One idea is to have a sabbatical.  I have been working in my field for over 30+ years.  COVID has shown me that I need a beak.  My work life has changed so dramatically and up to this point I keep telling myself go with the flow.  But this idea is sucking my joy away.  I have to ask myself why am I staying.  I'm not ready to retire, yet I need time to think about what I want to do next.  There are other opportunities out there for me.  I need a break to discover these.  

Julia Cameron writes in her creativity recovery manual, The Artist Way a recipe: 1) handwriting 3 journal pages, 2) walking and 3) artist visits.  I envision my sabbatical to include these elements. 

More to come..... 


Sunday, July 21, 2019

Woman with Flowers in Her Hair

Woman with the Flowers in Her Hair by
Homelight 2019


The unconscious mind works in symbols, whereas the conscious mind doesn’t need to code things into symbols. Our conscious minds communicate through concertizing abstract ideas into words. Our words, at best, serve as a crude estimation of the abstract ideas we wish to convey.

Meditation and contemplation were part of the painting process. Symbols and colors would appear. It is a thing or color representing something abstract. Personally, I see symbols as Motherfather Spirit telling me stop, be alert and take notice. Contemplating their appearance helps me be open to what is needed or eliminated in my life.

The following symbols appeared in my meditations repeatedly and were included in my painting.

Bluebird: Harbinger of Spring, renewal and transformation, growth. cheerfulness, happiness, prosperity, hearth and home, good health, new births, the renewal of springtime, etc. Virtually any positive sentiments may be attached to the bluebird. Messenger bird of Xi Wangmu.

Navajo Song for waking up and greeting the morning sun.

Bluebird said to me,

"Get up, my grandchild.

It is dawn," it said to me

When I put her in, my best friend said Zippideedodah. I remembered this being my favorite song as a child. The song put me in a different place.

Dogwood flower: Symbol of rebirth and resurrection. Victorians saw the flower as a signal for love and strength. The Dogwood flower comes in many colors.

The dogwood kept showing up.

I also see the flower representing the four directions of a compass and the center being where two roads meet. A crossroad being a place in your journey when a decision needs to be made. It is a place where there is a balance of opposites. In many stories, it is a place to meet guardians to help you: Hecate, Vanth, Elgaba and Brighid. Wise women to assist you with your decision. All you need to do is ask. This is something hard for me. I have problems asking for help. I am first to help others, why not the reciprocal?

I am nearing a crossroad. I am ending my present position and trying a new career. I want to use art in this new career. My wish when I come to the crossroad that I will meet interesting people to show me how.

Colors of the dawn based on western European traditions:
  • Reds: excitement, energy, passion, love, desire, strength, power, and passionate
  • Oranges: energy, balance, enthusiasm, warmth, vibrant, expansive, flamboyant, demanding of attention
  • Yellows: signifies joy, happiness, optimism, idealism, imagination, hope, sunshine, summer, gold, philosophy, and friendship.
  • Purple: spirituality, ceremony, mysterious, transformation, wisdom, enlightenment, honor, mourning, and temperance.
  • Turquoise: symbolizes calm.

Dawn for me is about new beginnings. A new day to shake off what isn’t working and forgive. A new day for joy.

Knowledge and wisdom beyond intellect. Ability to see what isn’t seen. The owl announces change and transition. Important changes are about to take place.

I did not purposely paint the owl into my painting. The owl appeared after the last glaze. It appeared very ghostly, and I chose to maintain the owl’s presence by faintly painting it in.

The Celtic Triple Spiral or Triskele: Is a female power sign and one of transition through growth. It also is said to mean one cannot be healthy without all three elements joined together: mind, body and spirit.

The Three Rays of Awen:
The Celts used this symbol for transformation experienced through the power of fire. This symbol can be found in the Dogwood flowers.

Tuning Fork: a two-pronged steel device used by musicians, which vibrates when struck to give a note of specific pitch. The bluebird stands on it. I keep returning to Jonathan Davis’ article on how to restore harmony within and with others (2015). Davis writes about the Hawaiian practise of Ho’oponopono (I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you) helps retune one from discord to calm. Each day is an opportunity to reset and try again to be a better person.

Scars Symbols were a leaf like symbol inspired by Henri Matisse. Each scar placed into the painting were ones I self-identified through an exercise shared by Louis Reed, Energy Medicine Institute. Louis Reed was a guest lecturer at Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici Women Unleashed Winter 2018. These were painted over during a glazing process. One of the scars turned into the owl.

Aqua Aura Quartz: The properties of the stone are said to help one to realize self truth, even the truths you refuse to know or believe. It is a crystal to give you mental clarity and help develop your spirit. The crystal is also said to help you balance your masculine and feminine energy and release feelings of anger.

I have Aqua Aura Quartz on my desk at work. A small crystal fell off while I was dusting. The tiny quarts was painted into the heart area of the women with flowers in her hair.

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Woman with the Flowers in Her Hair: Part 2

Homelight. Woman with the Flowers
in Her Hair, 2019
“She wore flowers in her hair and carried magic secrets in her eyes. She spoke to no one. She spent hours on the riverbank. She smoked cigarettes and had midnight swims...” ~~― Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things

“People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.” ~~Iris Murdoch

“We need to spread more seeds and fill this Planet with love to be surrounded by flowers just everywhere! It starts by simply opening up our hearts and hands to one another. It's in simple things where true Happiness may flourish.” ~~ Ana Claudia Antunes, A-Z of Happiness: Tips for Living and Breaking Through the Chain that Separates You from Getting That Dream Job

Steps in Completion:

The Woman with the Flowers in Her Hair
By Homelight 1/10/2019

Let me tell you about the woman
with the flowers in her hair. I awake
moments before the dawn showers. When
sunlight paints hymns of pinks, cheery
oranges, playful yellows blended
Into divine purple -- rainbow hues
revel my beauty.

“Zippidee do dah,” I sing. “It’s going to be
a wonderful day.”

It is me with the flowers in my hair,
standing in my power -- heart aligned
to create my “today’s story.” Everyday
a choice for more joy, for more love, for more
expansion along my spiral journey.
Nightly rituals to make right within, I shed
sloth off yesterday’s walls, outgrown
habits-- rocky people all forgiven
I am reborn into the sunshine
lite, renewed.

“Zippidee do dah,” I sing. “This day will be

I love that woman with the flowers in her hair.
I am strong, kind and gaily spread
infectious laughter. It's in the tunes
I whistle to make feet tap, hips sway
with merriment. I am a woman
with flowers in my hair -- opening hearts
to possibilities in all things. I am woman
who love life.

“Zippidee do dah,” I sing, “What a wonderful

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Woman with the Flowers in Her Hair

Homelight, The Woman with the Flowers
in Her Hair. 2019
One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.” 
~~Joan of Arc

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it
~~Oprah Winfrey

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." ~~Maya Angelou

“bloom/beautifully/dangerously/loudly/bloom softly/however you need/just bloom” ~~Rupi Kaur

Conform or be transformed?

I recently came across several articles about these two words: conform or be transformed. The gist of the articles was that many of us measure joy and happiness on how much stuff we have.  The articles described the external variables we use in measuring happiness:  our job, the car we drive, or where we live, how we look and dress.   There is a toll in believing these are the key ingredients for happiness.  When I find myself under stress I begin to conform to these computations.  I forget that happiness and joy comes from within.  

There is another variable that lurks and influences how I get stuck.  The damn mirror and bullies and naysayers don't like the facets that make me who I am.  My inner critic is addicted to their messages and repeats them in my head.  Out of fear or having anxiety, I push away my way of making chocolate cakes or gardening or choosing black versus the bright colors my real self likes to wear.  I feel bad for trying to fit into a "dictated mold" and I feel bad that I have conformed.  Ultimately, I sit and stew that I am sacrificing who I am to feel prescribed happiness and joy.   


Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Williamson, Marianne. A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles." New York, NYHarpersOne, 1992. 

Note: The quote, “Our Deepest Fear” often is quoted as being part of Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech, "Our Deepest Fear" does not appear in the speech. Marianne Williamson herself has noted this mistaken attribution.


My recent painting, "The Woman With the Flowers in Her Hair," I dedicated it to a quest for happiness and joy in my life.  While I painted I reflected:  Why don't I welcome my own style?  Why am I unsure about what I really like or don't like? Why is it easier for TV and the magazines to inform me?  

I began searching for what it really feel to be happy? (Not what my family or friends feel happiness is, but me.)  I landed on this song by the Cowsills:  The Woman with the Flowers in her Hair or The Rain, The Park and Other Things.  For those not familiar.  It was a sunshine pop song of 1967 by a family band (reminding me of the Partridge Family Show).  

The lyrics talk about a woman wearing flowers in her hair and is in the park.  It takes courage to pull this look off and then to have the confidence to go out into a public space.  Listening to the song, while painting; I began to wonder what happened to my courage.  Why am I allowing people to dictate my journey?  My journey?

I Love the Flower Girl by The Cowsills ( lyrics on video )

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Nebula the Muse: Part 3

Homelight. Nebula 2019
A bird does not sing because it has the answer.  It sings because it has a song.  Chinese Proverb.

Every life has a soundtrack. Jodi Picoult

I've spoken before about music and how it can uplift my spirit.  Below is my playlist for Nebula:

Nebula the Muse’s Playlist:
Attacca Quartet. “Ent’acte.” Caroline Shaw: Orange, New Amsterdam/Nonesuch, 2019
Bareilles, Sara. “Brave.” The Blessed Unrest, Epic Records, 2013.
Bedingfield. Natasha. “Unwritten.” Unwritten, Phonogenic Records, 2004.
Benatar, Pat. “Invincible.” Seven The Hard Way, Capitol/Emi/Sbk/Chrysalis, 1991.
Caillat, Colbie. “Brighter than the Sun.” All of You, Republic, 2011.
Chapman, Tracy. “Talkin Bout a Revolution.” Tracy Chapman, Elektra Records, 1988.
Coldplay. “A Sky Full of Stars.” Ghost Stories, Parlophone UK, 2014.
Collins, Judy. “The Times They Are A-Changin’” Amazing, Chrome & Nickel, 2015.
Coltrane, John. “Stardust.” Stardust (Remastered ed.), Prestige, 2007.
Cravalho, Auli’i. “Know Who You Are.” Moana (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Walt Disney Records, 2016.
Crow, Sheryl. “All I Wanna Do.” Tuesday Night Music Club, A&M, 1993.
Crow, Sheryl. “Soak Up The Sun.” C’mon C’Mon, A&M, 2002.
The Cranberries. “The Pressure.” In the End, BMG Rights Management (UK) Limited, 2019.
Donovan. “Lady of the Stars.” Golden Tracks, Purple Pyramid, 2000.
Earth Wind and Fire. “Star.” That’s the Way of the World, Columbia, 1975.
Etting, Ruth. “Life Is a Song, Let’s Sing It Together.” Easy Come, Easy Go, (Original Recordings 1931-1937), Open Spotify. 2012.
Florence and The Machine. “Shake It Out.” Ceremonials, Republic, 2011.
Jett, Joan and the Blackhearts. “Don’t Surrender.” Notorious, Blackheart/Epic-Sony, 1991.
Hackman, Marika. “i’m not where you are.” i’m not where you are, Sub Pop Records, 2019.
House, Rachel and Auli’i Cravalho. “I am Moana (Song of the Ancestors).” Moana (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Walt Disney Records, 2016.
Khan. Chaka. “The Woman I am.” The Woman I am, Warner Brothers, 1998.
La La Land Cast. "Another Day of Sun."  La La Land (Original Motion Picture Sound Cast), Interscope Records, 2016.
Lambert, Mary. “Secrets.” Heart on My Sleeve, Capitol, 2014.
Latifah, Queen. “U.N.I.T.Y.” She’s a Queen: A Collection of the Greatest, Motown, 2002.
Loper, Cindy. “Girls Want to Have Fun.” She’s So Unusual, Portrait, 1983.
Lovato, Demi. “Confident.” Confident (Deluxe Edition), Hollywood Records, 2015.
Madonna. “Express Yourself.” Like a Prayer, Sire/Warner Bros,1989.
Michaelson, Ingrid. “The Way I Am.” Girls and Boys, Original Signal, 2007.
Naim, Yael. “New Soul.” Yael Naim, Atlantic, 2008.
Panton, Diana.  “I Believe in Little Things.” I Believe in Little Things, Independent Label Services, Inc. 2017.
Panton, Diana, “So Many Stars.” If the Moon Turns Green, Independent Label Services, Inc. 2017.
Ross, Diana. “I’m Coming Out.” Diana, Motown Records, 2017.
Spice Girls. “Wannabe.” Spice, Virgin Records, 1996.
Sting. “Sister Moon.” ...Nothing Like The Sun, A&M Records, 1987.
Tank and The Bangas. “Interlude (God Push Me).” Think Tank, Feedbands, 2017.
They Might Be Giants “Put it to the test.” Here Comes Science. Disney Sound/Idlewood, 2009.
Van Morrison. “Moondance.” Moondance (Deluxe Edition), Warner Bros. Records, 2013.
Weather Report. “Milky Way.” Forecast: Tomorrow, Columbia, 2006.
Wonder, Stevie. “Another Star.” At the Close of a Century, Motown Records, 1999
Yellowjackets. “Emerge.” Raising Our Voices, Mack Avenue Records, 2018.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Nebula the Muse: Part 2

Homelight. Nebula. 2019
Did you know that the center of a Protostar (the star in the middle of a nebula) is called a Nuclear Furnace? So you can call that the star's "heart." The heart of a star is a furnace. Not much unlike the human heart.” ― C. JoyBell C.

"I am just learning to notice the different colors of stars, and already begun to have enjoyment.” -- Maria Mitchell

Stages of Completion 

Painting provides me another way contemplate and reflect.  Each brush stroke is an opportunity to dialogue with Motherfather Spirit.  I stand back or sit and stare at the painting and ponder different questions.  During my painting of Nebula, I thought about 1) how can I have a life filled with joy and happiness? 2) Does the lack of laughter and silliness a result of life without my muse?; 3) what does life feels like when the two are working as a team?

I want to acknowledge that my critic is needed to inquire and think logically through a problem, and my muse is needed to be a little off the wall for solving a problem. However, my muse can tolerate my critic only so much. She has a tipping point with unnecessary crap and frequent bad news and negative feelings found in meetings or back to back conference calls. These are what my critic thrives on. But, my muse’s heart wants space to dream of orange-vanilla globules and gales of candy pink bubbles. My muse wants to dance under the stars or at least pirouette in her office chair.

This painting felt more intuitive than The Woman with the Flowers in Her Hair. I turned the canvas around and around after putting in the initial color brush strokes. Her face appeared in the canvas and all I had to do is follow the lines to draw her and her hair in. Initially, I saw her as a cross between Cyndi Lauper “Girls want to have fun” and a Joan Jett “Don’t Surrender.” I placed rune marks throughout her hair: peace, love, joy and balance; and only one grouping remains. The runes are symbols for having a peaceful and joyful relationship between the muse and the critic.

Following the first glaze, the colors revealed a different story. She became Nebula: the one who births stars out of dying stardust. Nebula, the muse, is a creator.  It is very descriptive of what I do.  How often do I see something new in broken pieces?  I see the potential of a new star.  As I glazed over the canvas two birds appeared.  I
 left them as outlines and interpreted them as an awakening. 

The painting is an awakening for the muse, critic and I to be better team players.  I have a strong compassion and love for both.  These two in balance make a better me.  


Nebula (April 2019)
by Homelight

I am the spark, the seed, the first notion of a wish.
Exploding stars, dark giants, orange-vanilla globules, knots of lime green;
primal ephemeral - transformed gas and glitter into fiery lights.
I am the universe of unlimited possibilities.

Exploding stars, dark giants, orange-vanilla globules, knots of lime green,
gales of candy pink bubbles melting metal and sand;
I am the universe of unlimited possibilities.
I lose myself twirling, spiraling in a celestial dance.

Gales of candy pink bubbles melting metal and sand,
primal ephemeral - transformed gas and glitter into fiery lights;
I lose myself twirling, spiraling in a celestial dance.
I am the spark, the seed, the first notion of a wish.

Nebula is written in pantoum form. “The pantoum form is a Malaysian verse form adapted by French poets and occasionally imitated in English. It comprises a series of quatrains, with the second and fourth lines of each quatrain repeated as the first and third lines of the next. The second and fourth lines of the final stanza repeat the first and third lines of the first stanza.” (Poetry Foundation)

  1. Poetry Foundation. “Glossary of terms.”, retrieved 7 May, 2019