Woman with the Flowers in Her Hair

Homelight, The Woman with the Flowers
in Her Hair. 2019

One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.” 
~~Joan of Arc

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it
~~Oprah Winfrey

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." ~~Maya Angelou

“bloom/beautifully/dangerously/loudly/bloom softly/however you need/just bloom” ~~Rupi Kaur



Conform or be transformed?

I recently came across several articles about these two words: conform or be transformed. The gist of the articles was that many of us measure joy and happiness on how much stuff we have.  The articles described the external variables we use in measuring happiness:  our job, the car we drive, or where we live, how we look and dress.   There is a toll in believing these are the key ingredients for happiness.  When I find myself under stress I begin to conform to these computations.  I forget that happiness and joy comes from within.  

There is another variable that lurks and influences how I get stuck.  The damn mirror and bullies and naysayers don't like the facets that make me who I am.  My inner critic is addicted to their messages and repeats them in my head.  Out of fear or having anxiety, I push away my uniqueness...my way of making chocolate cakes or gardening or choosing black versus the bright colors my real self likes to wear.  I feel bad for trying to fit into a "dictated mold" and I feel bad that I have conformed.  Ultimately, I sit and stew that I am sacrificing who I am to feel prescribed happiness and joy.   

~~~

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Williamson, Marianne. A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles." New York, NYHarpersOne, 1992. 

Note: The quote, “Our Deepest Fear” often is quoted as being part of Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech, "Our Deepest Fear" does not appear in the speech. Marianne Williamson herself has noted this mistaken attribution.

~~

My recent painting, "The Woman With the Flowers in Her Hair," I dedicated it to a quest for happiness and joy in my life.  While I painted I reflected:  Why don't I welcome my own style?  Why am I unsure about what I really like or don't like? Why is it easier for TV and the magazines to inform me?  

I began searching for what it really feel to be happy? (Not what my family or friends feel happiness is, but me.)  I landed on this song by the Cowsills:  The Woman with the Flowers in her Hair or The Rain, The Park and Other Things.  For those not familiar.  It was a sunshine pop song of 1967 by a family band (reminding me of the Partridge Family Show).  

The lyrics talk about a woman wearing flowers in her hair and is in the park.  It takes courage to pull this look off and then to have the confidence to go out into a public space.  Listening to the song, while painting; I began to wonder what happened to my courage.  Why am I allowing people to dictate my journey?  My journey?

Friendship – starting with yourself

Girl Looking in The Mirror by Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1912)

Maker's Moon - What wants to be conceived/born/shaped/made from our own minds/hearts/loins/hands? - CAYA Moon Question

“We are not humans having spiritual experiences, we are spiritual beings having human experiences.” ~ Teilhard de Chardin

 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ~ C.S. Lewis

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” ~ William Shakespeare

 

 

To be a friend is hard work.  To be friends with yourself is even harder work.  I believe I heard this from my creative journaling teacher Nettie.  If not, it would be something she would say. 

 

This week I’ve started this blog entry over twice, because the theme “friendship with yourself” kept coming up.  You might say I got zapped by it from 6 different places this week:  Hildegard mandalaclass, 21 Day Meditation Challenge, Wild Woman Project, Findhorn Inspirational message, my New Moon Goddess Card of the month, and a fragment from a Hallmark Channel Movie due to channel surfing between basketball games.  Since I’m a firm believer in the law of synchronicity; I scraped the gardening piece for this topic. 

 

When I talk about being a friend to yourself, I’m not talking about being a narcissist.  That type of self-love in which one believes that they’re better than others and have a desire to tear others down in order to feel successful.  No, the one I’m talking about is giving yourself the same compassion that you give to others you are deeply in love with.  This was the message I kept getting zapped with.

 

~#~
 

Audacity: 1.bold courage; daring   2.shameless or brazen boldness; insolence ~ Webster New College Dictionary.

~#~

It has been my experience that the foundation of magic is belief.  You must believe in order to create or make something.  And, you must continue to believe all the way to the end.  More often than not, we find that our creative and magical endeavors become prey to sabotage by our own inner voices.  These voices have a way of squashing our passion and what ends up happening is the majority of our spells, creations and ideas our sitting in the basement in a box unfinished.

In talking to friends this week about the inner voices, we all came to the same conclusion.  We’d never say the things our inner voices say to someone that we love.  And, we’d probably wouldn’t say this to someone we don’t like.   My voices revolve around not being able to complete projects, perfectionism and fear that I’ll be rejected, self-judgment, education lacking by not having taken the right course work or involved with the right project.  These all seem to twist and haggle inside my head to the point I often stop.  Bottom line, I’d never say these things to a friend; I’d do the opposite.  I’d cheer them on.

March’s New Moon Wild Woman Project theme focused on having the audacity or courage to love ourselves.  We used one of Louise Hay’s mirror exercises.   The exercise asks us to call to mind a person that we deeply love.  We were to imagine looking in their eyes with compassion.  The last part of the exercise was to look into the mirror and with the same look of compassion see ourselves.  When I did this, my heart was crushed because I have never done this.  I have never looked into my eyes with that same look of charity. 

Kristin Neff, Ph.D. writes in her book about how self-esteem and self-compassion are intertwined.  Her research showed that a person with high self-esteem didn’t berate themselves when they were failing.  They did the opposite, they were kind to themselves.  These people in her research were able to embrace themselves with all their flaws and outperformed the opposite group.  Neff describes the science behind this.  When we berate ourselves with our inner critics, the flight and fight hormones are released.  Despite what our culture says, these hormones don’t drive us to the finish line they make us angry and cripple us from moving forward.  When we treat ourselves with kindness and sympathy, endorphins are released and we feel motivated to try again.  The endorphins make us feel good. 

Neff also found that the more we were able to keep our hearts opened for ourselves, the more we have available to give others and pursue our creativity.  She states that when the critics pop up 1) we should face them and tell them to soften.  Then provide kind, empathetic words to ourselves.  2) To look at the full picture and ask: how am I the same as others?  (e.g., Yes, I haven’t gotten this spell down pat but others have been here like me.)  3) Practice mindfulness and being in the present. 

~#~

 

Ho’oponopono

Hawaiian Prayer

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you, I love you.

This prayer was shared by one of my mandala classmates when I began describing how I was critical of my mandalas.  I was wishing to soften my judgment.  This is the prayer she tells herself when her inner critics begin to talk.