Kindness Tea Party - Alternative Narratives

Three Graces by Marie Bracquemond,
1880 oil.See it at Musee d'Orsay, Paris

"Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” – Desmond Tutu

“All I'm saying is, kindness don't have no boundaries.”
― Kathryn Stockett, The Help

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia

We live in a world that is constantly telling us stories. These narratives have a way of shaping our lives.Their plot lines describe what or who to be afraid of; what is a beautiful face or body type; what we should eat; how you should act; or what success looks like. It is hard to escape these stories because they are reinforced by the media and the number of hearts and the reposts. I often find it hard to escape from their grip of my subconscious. Sociologists call these stories the dominant narrative. 

Jeyne Roberts writes, “There are three sides to every story. Yours. Mine. What really happened.” The dominant narrative is a one-sided story. It pits my story against your story. If your story wins. It becomes the story that is perceived as valid and real. However, there’s a problem with listening to only one side, you don’t get to hear the stories from other perspectives. By not hearing all the stories, I believe you miss out on the nuances of the story. And, if you hear a similar story, you may jump to a conclusion influenced by past plot lines.

I a firm believer of making your own decisions and coming up with your own solutions to problems.  Following the CCWWW philosophy, you need to put on your lab coat and unearth different viewpoints.  You also need to make sure your solutions consider others wants and needs.  By hearing only one viewpoint and choosing the dominant narrative or one story, puts you in conflict with the CCWWW philosophy.  Meaning: everyone should feel like they belong, they are valued and they are heard.  (It doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person’s story only hear them out).

Song

By John Fuller 

You don’t listen to what I say.
When I lean towards you in the car
You simply smile and turn away.

It’s been like this most of the day,

sitting and sipping, bar after bar:
You don’t listen to what I say.

You squeeze a lemon from a tray,

And if you guess how dear you are
You simply smile and turn away.

Beyond the hairline of the bay

the steamers call that shore is far.
You don’t listen to what I say:

Surely there’s another way?

The waiter brings a small guitar.
You simply smile and turn away.

Sometimes I think you are too gay,

smiling and smiling, hour after hour.
You don’t listen to what I say.
You simply smile and turn away.

Fuller, John. “Song.” Collected Poems.  London: Chatto & Windus, 1996. 

Kindness Tea Party

I have been doing a lot of reflecting at the end of the year.  One story I have stumbled on is the number of people who state they feel like don’t belong or they are not heard.  I keep hearing and reading in the news and in my Facebook feed.  I’ve also noticed that this story doesn’t seem to fit with the dominant narratives playing out in the media: us versus them, liberals versus conservatives… It makes the story a little more complicated because both us and them are telling this tale. 

The first time I heard about this story of not feeling connected was in a random essay on Facebook.  The story immediately made me think of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and number 3 on his pyramid: love and belonging; (and the OSU professor who droned on in a large, hot lecture hall).  Maslow identified that humans need to feel that they belong and are accepted in a group.  We are mammals that require social connection to love and be loved.  This loving connection has increases our survival as a species.  If this need isn’t met than the affected human may develop a laundry list of psychosis: loneliness, social anxiety, depression, and ultimately people who can’t form a relationship. 

And, how do you prevent or fix this problem?

One activity I am launching this year with another co-worker, is a Kindness Tea Party in the work setting. The Tea Party is a magical opportunity for people at my work to connect through food and listening. We are holding it in the late afternoon. I’ve sent the invitation out to about 100 people (paper and via e-mail) and asked them to bring their own cups (fancy hats are welcomed too). Twenty people have responded saying they are planning on coming.

Equipment Needed:

Tablecloth
Napkins
Electric Coffee Urn (Earl Gray Tea)
Electric Pot to heat water for (Hibiscus tea and Green Tea)
Two containers to make the other two teas
Cream container
Sugar
Spoons
Food (shortbread, brownies and a tin of lemon cookies)

No tea is complete without fortunes.  We decided to print off fortune cookie messages and place them in a bowl. 

Hidden Figures

Starry Night and the Astronauts by Alma Thomas
Acrylic on Canvas, 1972  find it at
The Art Institute of Chicago® 

 

Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew - Cicely Tyson

No one ever heard of a black woman pilot in 1919.  I refused to take no for an answer.  - Bessie Coleman

Know how to learn. Than want to learn. - Katherine Johnson.

I have been reviewing my posts that received over 100 views.  My readers seem to have honed in on three topics: kindness, my version of spirituality that includes kitchen magic, and feminism.   

Today's post falls under the theme of feminism.  I recently read Lynn Bilal's post on Prevent Connect about oppression and how many social justice issues are connected.  She quotes author bell hooks who asks people to look at each form of oppression (sexism, racism, ageism...) as part of a larger system of keeping people in place.  Lynn Bilal's guest blog encourages civil conversations this month around the story of unseen and nearly forgotten black women who worked at the Langley Research Center, Hampton Virginia. Ms. Bilal asks people to look at the intersections between these African American women's experiences as STEM scientists, sexual harassment, gender and racism.   

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Look What We Have Become by Rocker Grace Potter.  Song honors women of NASA

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Hidden Figures Poster 2016

Practice 

A Celtic Wise Witchy Woman knows her-story and the woman who didn't take no as an answer in order for her world to be better.

Step 1:  Again, I am borrowing from Lynn Bilal's blog.  I want to encourage everyone to take the time to see the movie Hidden Figures.  The movie is in theaters in the U.S. starting January 6, 2017.  It is based on the book by Margot Lee Shetterly.  The film depicts the experience of three African-American women at NASA -- Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson.  These women served as the brains behind one of the greatest operations in history: the launch of astronaut and Ohioan John Glenn into orbit.

Step 2: Have a conversation with a friend, family member, co-worker... This can be an opportunity to talk about racism, gender bias, and sexual harassment portrayed in the movie. OR, use these questions obtained from Margot Lee Shetterly’s book Hidden Figures, YA Edition.

• What does this job mean for Dorothy in terms of social mobility?
• From what we know so far, in what ways do Dorothy and Katherine’s experiences mirror each other? In what ways are they different?
• How does the civil rights movement take shape during this time period?
• Are the women who become “girl computers” held to a higher standard? Do they hold themselves to one? Why or why not?
• How do the racial problems in the United States in the 1940s and 1950s change the perception of the U.S. abroad? How is this used as propaganda by the Soviet Union?
• How was the fight for social equality affecting education? How would those practices affect Langley recruitment? In what ways is Mary’s transition to engineer significant?
• What impact, if any did the Soviets having engineering schools dominated by women play-out in American press, especially in papers like the Washington Post?

GROUND RULES for Civil Conversation:

1. Listen more than you speak.  It is okay to have quiet time. These are tough topics.
2. Be kind to one and other.  
3. Be forgiving.

Extra Credit Resources from Lynn Bilal 

• These Shocking Charts Show How Hard It Is for Black Women in Science (2015) 

• She Wanted to Do Her Research. He Wanted to Talk ‘Feelings.’ (2016) 

• How Women Are Harassed Out of Science (2016) 

• Female Scientists Harassed Out of the Lab (2016) CNN 

• Addressing sexual harassment in the science, engineering, and medical workplaces Workshop Summary (2016) 

Additional Resources

• Learn about the Associate of Women in the Sciences
• 17 Black Women in Science and Tech You Should Know http://www.theroot.com/photos/_17_black_women_in_science_and_tech_you_should_know/#slide-18
• Know Your IX
• American Association of University Women

Aspiring Mystic Artisan

Medieval Women Cutting Out Fabric artist unknown

If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.  CG Jung

Spirit first, technique second.  Gichin Funakoshi

God gives us the capacity for choice.  We can choose to alleviate suffering.  We can choose to work together for peace.  We can make these changes—and we must.  Jimmy Carter

It’s been three years since I wrote regularly on this blog.  When I checked in over the holiday break, I was surprised to learn how many people have read my blog.  Thank you. 

• Where have you been? 
• I checked-off of an item on my bucket list.  I set off to university and finished my graduate degree.
• And what’s next?
• I’ve have many ideas floating in my head, but I’m waiting.  I’m taking time to listen to Motherfather Spirit before packing my backpack. 

Starting a journey under the Capricorn moon has shook me up.  In the past, my bags would be packed, rituals done, and off I go.  I was determined to get my dream at any cost including setting off into uncharted and unfriendly places. However, not this time.  I'm being opened to the path Motherfather Spirit pushes me towards.

Many of you know the Capricorn symbol has a dual body. It is both mountain goat and fish.  (The fish part I often forget.  Perhaps I’m always concentrating on the goat side because it is in front.  The fish part is in the back--hidden.) To be a master at anything you must practice with discipline (this is the goat part), but you also have to be connected to Motherfather Spirit and your soul (this is the fish part).  A master of (name your skill) has balance between what they are trying to create and spirit. 

It means before picking up a pencil, shovel, whisk, keys, (fill in the blank), you stay put and take the time to listen. 

Oh this is so hard to do in the world I live in.

 Tina Turner - Mother Within (Heavenly Home) - 'Beyond  


Action:

This year I am changing how I make my Feng Shui Shield. For nine days I plan on meditating on each square/bagua. Before beginning my meditation, I will focus on the theme of the bagua and ask Motherfather Spirit to give me insight. Each day I will keep a journal to keep track of what wisdom is shared with me.  I will build my shield from this.  

During the darkness of the new moon I will anoint my shield with the "Candle Spells for New Beginnings" ritual.  

Eostre, Spring Equinox, Lent and the International Day of Happiness

Week 4 Lenten Project

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.” Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” Rumi

“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” Marianne Williamson

Yesterday morning, I drew “flexibility” from the Angel Cards.  The first thing that came to my mind was doing a back bend.  I haven’t done a back bend since I was 13, and that was… hmmm a long time ago.  But, the thought of doing a back bend has been on my mind.  It was one of the things I put down in my new year’s resolution.  Why?  Back bending was an item that came into my head when I was meditating on the wishes of my heart in 2015.  Crazy?  Crazy.

Mohamad Gandhi stated that happiness occurs when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.  I believe that in order for this to happen you need to be flexible.  Yesterday, my interactions with others left me with wanting to pound my head against the wall.  I wanted a project that I've been working on for six months to be done and off my desk.  However, others didn't think the same way. They wanted one more thing changed and discussed.  
After a lot of deep breathing, the only thing I could do was find humor in the situation.  I don't know if this is true for others, but it is difficult to see in the moment.     

Icing on the cake came in an e-mail my supervisor and I received on a Friday afternoon.  It was at this point I decided what I needed to do was a back bend.  Back bend modified that is.  I don't know what made me do it, but there I was bending my my body backwards over an office chair without arms or wheels.  The blood quickly rushed to my head.  I definitely saw things from a different perspective; my office space up-side-down and the ceiling.  And, it caused my supervisor and I to laugh.  The whole day we needed to just laugh.  

I think this is what spring is all about.  It is a time to step back and just laugh.  How can one not laugh, especially if you survived record level snows and polar vortex wind chills.   The yellow crocuses out in my garden they are laughing; they survived the winter months.  I think this is what Marianne Williamson meant in trying to recognize how things really are in the big picture - joyful.

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Middle English lente springtime, Lent, from Old English lencten; akin to Old High German lenzin spring

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Spring is like a perhaps hand

E. E. Cummings, 1894 - 1962

          III

Spring is like a perhaps hand

(which comes carefully

out of Nowhere) arranging

a window, into which people look (while

people stare

arranging and changing placing

carefully there a strange

thing and a known thing here) and

changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps

Hand in a window

(carefully to

and fro moving New and

Old things, while

people stare carefully

moving a perhaps

fraction of flower here placing

an inch of air there) and

without breaking anything.

Spinning back into my heart’s song - Lent 2015

2015 BEMS First Week of Lent

“It is only with the heart that you can see fully: what is essential is invisible to the eyes.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” ~ Helen Keller

“Whosesoever you go, go with all your heart.” ~ Confucius


Sometimes I find it hard to remember the language of my heart.  My ears get filled with wax and I can’t hear my unique lyrics that I’m supposed to be singing into the universal song.  When this happens, I find myself being swept away by social injustices, and instead of trying to find peaceful resolution or trying to be empathetic towards the other side’s point of view; I’m angry.  The lyrics I sing clash with the ones I’m supposed to be singing about love.

It is Lenten season again.   I gave ‘giving up’ a long time ago.  I found this practice not useful in redirecting my heart down the right path.  For me, Easter and Spring are about re-birth, composting the old into something new.  Giving up chocolate, turning off the TV or becoming a vegetarian doesn’t seem to affect how I react to life’s crises or challenges.  This type of practice doesn’t unplug the wax in my ears and it sure doesn’t help me hear Motherfather Spirit any better.

This Lenten season (2015) I have chosen to get back to knowing those words on my heart.  The ones Motherfather Spirit wrote before I was born.  I want to remember those words that are to inspire me in become a better person through my actions.  Those words that make me empathetic towards others and those words that sing what is really important.   I want to get my heart back on track.  This is the re-birth I am looking for. 

I’ve been inspired this year three groups 1) Wild Woman Project – Wild Heart Wishes Meditation (February 2015) 2) Abby of the Arts - Holy Disorder of Dancing Monks, and 3) Findhorn Inspiration website.

Serenity (O Magnum Mysterium) - Ola Gjeilo - this music makes me very contemplative.  

Spinning back into my heart’s song: A daily ritual during Lent:


Materials Needed:

• Paper with a spiral design or you can make your own. 
• 40 plus Premade circles.  I made mine tracing quarters onto paper.  You can make yours bigger or smaller. 
• Magic markers, pencils, ink pens
• Glue or paste
• Scissors
• Small votive candle
• Angel cards or Findhorn Daily Inspiration that includes an Angle Card or opening spiritual writing and identifying on word describing its message.
• Journal

2015 BEMS - Openness

Directions

• Light the candle and open your heart.
• Pull an angle card and read it.  Say the word out loud.  Write down in your journal what you think this word means spiritually or why it should be written on your heart.
• Next, read the word again.  Say the word out loud.   Ask for guidance from Motherfather Spirit.  Meditate on the word.  Example: Open   These are the types of questions I ask myself: 1) What does being open mean to me as a spiritual being?  How do I show others that I’m open?   How do I react to hearing something new – open or closed?  (NOTE:  The CCWWW way is different for each of us.  You have equally interesting questions to ask yourself.)  Allow some time to journal on this word. 
• Contemplate what the word means to you in a symbol.  Doodle or draw in your journal.
• Now, reflecting back on your journal, draw or write something that will remind you of this word in one of the pre-made circles.  Color it in.  (NOTE:  A CCWWW doesn’t judge their art against famous artists. This is a spiritual art and speaks from your heart.)
• Cut out the circle and paste it on the spiral path.
• Thank Motherfather Spirit for giving you this message about your heart.  Extinguish the candle. 
• I tend to do this ritual in the morning and carry the small circle around.  The circle reminds me of the word that is etched on my heart.  In the evening I glue it onto the spiral. 

Imbolc and Migrating Swans

Two Swans (Wallpaper) by Walter Crane 1875

Initiation is a process by which "we try to develop ourselves not that we may become great and wise, but that we may have the power and knowledge to work for humanity to the best effect." ~ C.W. Leadbeater

“Women and birds are able to see without turning their heads, and that is indeed a necessary provision for they are both surrounded by enemies.” James Stephens

“It is the women who make life endurable for each other, give physical affection without causing pain, share, advise and stick by each other,” Adrienne Rich

This Imbolc evening,  I witnessed a beautiful sunset driving home from work.  The sky had pinks, yellows blended together with a touch of magenta.  It is a joyful sight at this time of year in Ohio.  When I finally reached my home, getting out of my car, I heard honking above.  Looking up, I saw a flock of geese flying in V formation headed towards the north.  The moment was a hopeful after a week and early morning of icy rain, slush and forever-gray haze.   It was a taste of hope reminding me that spring is near.          

This year CAYA Coven’s focus is on women free as birds.  My thoughts have centered on Brigid, Imbolic being her feast day.  The white swan and a bird’s foot are two of her symbols.  There is also the Scottish tale of the goddess Cailleach.  On Imbolc eve if the day is bright and sunny, Cailleach gathers firewood if she wants the winter to last longer.  If the day is gray and hazy than Cailleach sleeps-in.  This makes her firewood run out sooner and in turn make the warm weather come sooner.   She too is associated with a giant bird carrying sticks in her beak.  Some feel she is Brigid in crone’s form ruling winter until spring.    

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The Simple Dark

by Luci Shaw

Black birds slice their evening patterns—

long curves in the sky. Everything

is drawing down into shade.

But the dark, which is at first so simple

is not simple. Away from the farmhouse

with is slits of yellow, the monochrome

develops like a print in the chemical bath.

The unbroken velvet swims

with complications so subtle that

seeing and hearing must take their time

to know. The shadow purples,

the dusk intricate with crickets. The sky

infested with pricks of light.

My whole body an ear, an eye.

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In my yearlong exploration of women’s friendship, what I’ve discovered so far is an emphasis of giving and receiving.  Friendship is about staying in touch through notes, phone calls and coffee.  To be a friend means to stick with this dear person by celebrating the joys and holding their hand during the sorrows.  This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything they believe, it means you can agree to disagree, but still respect each other.

I believe people can learn a lot from observing nature, especially from swans and geese.  “Scientists have found that birds position themselves and time their wing beats so perfectly, that according to aerodynamic theory, they minimize their energy use. “  (note: a great video showing birds flying)  Each bird creates an uplift for the one behind.  This allows the flock to fly further than one going solo.   

Geese like a great friend, honk from behind cheering those ahead to keep up their speed.  Geese believe in shared leadership; all get their chance in the key position.   When a goose gets tired, someone is there to step up and take the lead.  This allows the tired goose to fall back and rest. 

Geese are caring.  When one gets sick or wounded and falls away from the flock, two others will fall out of formation to be with that bird.  They will not return to the flock, instead they stay with their fallen friend until they are able to fly or it dies. 

"We shall lift each other up" by Circle of Women

Adrienne Rich's Vision

Adrienne Rich

I’ve been plowing through journal articles written about women’s friendships.  I’ve noticed that there are many more written about the problems women have being in friendship with another women and the numerous ways women inflict pain.  From a spiritual standpoint, this seems to affirm the numberous stories I’ve heard about how women in circle act towards other women.  The behavior includes: being cruel, talking behind another’s back or not acknowledging another.  When I hear these stories, it rubs me the wrong way.  It is in conflict to what I believe is supposed to happen in circle and is probably the main reason why some women choose to go solo - myself included.  Who wants to be in a group where you are rejected, ignored, experience the silent treatment, betrayed, ostracized or pressured to leave the group?  And, if you refuse to join into this behavior then you get the backlash of this behavior.  

Adrienne Rich wrote an essay in 1980, “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence.”  The essay has been analyzed, reviewed, and pulled apart by numerous scholars, feminists and etc.  I see Rich’s essay as a vision statement for the future.  Who wouldn’t like a circle or a workplace where you could say, “it is the women who make life endurable for each other, give physical affection without causing pain, share, advise and stick by each other,” (Rich).  I see Rich’s vision statement up there with Martin Luther King’s dream of a world without racism.  

I think the question becomes how do we achieve this future? What do we need to do to make it happen?

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At Willard Brook
by Adrienne Rich
November 18, 1961


Spirit like water
moulded by unseen stone
and sandbar, pleats and funnels
according to its own
submerged necessity —
to the indolent eye
pure wilfulness, to the stray
pine-needle boiling
in that cascade-bent pool
a random fury: Law,
if that's what's wanted, lies
asking to be read
in the dried brook-bed.